Day 506 Gifts of Love

 

The fact that someone can see this little dish and think of me makes my heart sing. My Melissa, as I often refer to her, gave me this beautiful dish with a lifetime of friendship and love bottled up in it. She and I have been so fortunate to have a friendship that started as toddlers and has carried us throughout our lives. We have celebrated the joys in each others life as well as carried each other through painful and challenging times. We have spent Christmas Eve together since we were children and to my delight, every holiday she continues the tradition.  She understands that along with all the joy of the holiday season, it also is a time to remember the most painful event of my life. We remember Christmas Eve over thirty years ago when we were standing side by side mixing chocolate chip cookies. I was five and half months pregnant after years of struggling to conceive. My two oldest kids were excited for Christmas, hoping for dolls and dinosaurs and anticipating Santa's arrival. As I stirred the cookie batter I looked over at Melissa with a face filled with fear and dread,  I could feel a warm sensation down my leg and knew something was drastically wrong. I was rushed to the ER where I could see the concern on every nurses face while we waited for my doctor to arrive. The concern turned out to be warranted as my doctor told me we'd have to call in an ultrasound technician the next morning for future testing, the baby's heartbeat couldn't be heard with a stethoscope.  I remember laying in bed with a kind nurse sitting with me, holding my hand as the realization of my situation came crashing down on me. Christmas morning arrived with the ultrasound technician and my doctor both making a special trip in for me, knowing the news wasn't going to be good. As expected, they couldn't find a heart beat, and could see that my baby had died,. My body didn't miscarry  but the pregnancy was over. I was sent home to enjoy the rest of the holiday with my family, but told  to return after Christmas for procedures to remove my fetus. My mind remained in a fog for months, the pain never subsided but the love and strength I saw in Melissas face that night has never wavered. She is the only person that ever speaks of this night with me, but each year amidst all the festive holiday hustle and bustle we pause to remember that night. Without having to say a word, she knows what I'm thinking and reminds me that she too still feels that agony of the loss. I'm sure this is one of the reasons we rejoice so vigorously in each others joys, smart enough to realize when life is good. Life has a way of knocking you down, but thankfully always gives you someone to help stand you back up. I've stood her up a few times and I'm thankful my Melissa has always been with me to stand me back up when needed. There are things we can't forget, pain, loss, the kind touch of a nurse, the love in a friends eyes and the feeling when someones soul touches yours. My Melissa and I have souls that have traveled through life together and a friendship that eases whatever pain life throws at us. To love and to be loved, the greatest gift of all.