Day 1002 Glimpse of Happiness

 

Throwback photos are fun to look at—they hold distant memories and remind us of who we once were. I remember having this photo taken during a professional photo shoot—the only one I had ever done, if you don’t count my one-year-old sitting. It was a strange time in my life: post-divorce, my son was overseas at war, my kids were all grown up, and I was trying to find myself again and reclaim my life.

Funny enough, when I got the pictures back, I didn’t like this one at all. I thought I looked silly laughing and picked myself apart more than I should have. Looking back now, that seems so ridiculous—I looked fabulous. And the fact that I could laugh during such a difficult time in my life? That’s something to celebrate.

While my son was at war, I must have aged twenty years from the stress and fear. There’s no way to fully describe the constant dread a mother feels, not knowing if her child is safe. Every night before bed, I’d unconsciously take inventory: Are my kids safe? Warm? Hungry? Happy? I didn’t even realize I was doing it—until the answers for one of them came back unclear. One wasn’t safe. He was cold, probably hungry. And “happy” wasn’t even close to his radar.

I could picture my other kids, tucked in their beds, worrying about everyday things. But for the one overseas, I forced myself not to imagine too much. And when I did, it was of him in a sleeping bag, surrounded by mouse traps snapping in the night, exhausted and in pain—but still alive. Both of us grateful he had survived another day.

Fast forward: he made it home. One of the lucky ones. And I’m one of the lucky moms who got to see her son return from war. We’re both wise enough now to never take that for granted. Color us blessed.

Now, when I look back at this photo, I smile—because it captured more than just a moment. It showed a glimpse of all the happiness still waiting for me.

Sometimes, it takes looking back to truly appreciate just how far you've come.