Day 569 One more day

 

They say time heals all wounds, but when it comes to the loss of a loved one that sentiment couldn't be further from the truth. Yesterday marked the ninth anniversary of my dads death, a day I remember as if it were yesterday and is blurry all at the same time. Being a small town, I got a call around 8am from someone who said they saw an ambulance at my dads house. I quickly called my stepmom who told me they were on their way to the hospital and to meet her there. I was out the door in a flash and before I knew it I was standing in a room with my stepmother and the body of my dad, who had just passed. My brain immediately went into taking care of business, what needed to be done, arrangements, who to call and what things needed immediate attention, mostly taking care of my sweet stepmother. Although years before my dad  had undergone bypass surgery he wasn't sick, happened to be living his best life, so the sudden heart attack resulting in his death was totally unexpected. My brain still can't completely wrap around the fact that this bigger than life personality is no longer physically here. The weeks and months that followed are a fog,  nine years later I can  say he is still missed beyond measure. Time hasn't healed the hole left in my life or my soul, doubt it ever will. My day was as typical as any other day,  life rolls on with or without us, without consideration for our pain. I think of my dad daily, so the anniversary of his death doesn't hurt more, its just a landmark of the pain and the years I've endured it. Maybe the loss would have been easier had he been sick and given me a chance to come to terms with his leaving, but I doubt it. Could he at least have been older??? Seventy seven seems so young, especially now that I'm almost sixty! Somehow I don't think there's an easy way to lose someone, or an age that makes it ok. All we can do is honor their memory, keep them alive in our thoughts, stories and by loving the people that meant the world to them. I'm pleased to say, my stepmother and I continue to take care of each other and have maintained a relationship filled with love for all these years and always will. She was such a gift to my dad, filling his life with happiness and love for over twenty years before he died. I feel him smiling down on me often and draw from his strength and love whenever needed, he's my personal link to heaven.  I'm thankful that my children knew him and developed their own great memories, thank goodness I had my kids young! I often talk about how precious time is, oh, how I would love one more day with my dad.